Monday, July 27, 2009

Breaking a fast gently...


I continued to water fast until I arrived home today and I am sooo proud of myself.  I decided that I was going to transition back to juices when I got home and make another batch of tomato juice from the other day.  I went to the super market, got what I needed and then came home! I so easily could have stopped at any restaurant and gotten something else, I could have gone crazy at the market.  But, I didn't because I knew that this would be good for me.  The tomato juice is delicious and I am chugging it down.  If (and only if) I feel like it, I will make some vietnamese style spring rolls for a snack in an hour or so.  But first I'm going to see how the tomato juice goes down.  I'm not in a hurry.

All sorts of emotional stuff came up today as well.  Some old insecurities, and fears.  The classes I am taking right now are very intense, and I went back into a strong negative space that I had been in before, telling myself that I wasn't learning, it was a waste of my time, I should just give up.  Mind you, this was triggered by getting my grades back and having...an 81% overall.  I am laughing at myself now.  I truly do hold myself to a ridiculous standard at times.  I expect perfection at all times, and am not willing to give myself any kind of break or slack.  I want to practice being kinder to myself.  I will need that in law school.  I've been working hard, on many things and have improved my signing immensely.  I am, perhaps at a bit of a plateau at the moment, but that is fine.  A plateau is a very good place to end a month of intense and hard work.

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